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Governmentium

July 3, 2008

So I was reading an article about the stalled road construction projects around here and all of the political tactics that keep on going on. Pretty straight forward and it mostly makes sense to me. I think that mostly liberal hippies are the ones who do not understand what it takes to get a major project done, but they are also usually the ones who comment. So I read the comments and sometimes strike gold.

Here is the comment from a user that I only know as Beer30. This is one of the best summaries of the way government works I have ever read:

Research has led to the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element, Governmentium (Gv), has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312. 

These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Governmentium has no electrons, it is inert; however, it can be detected, because it impedes every action with which it comes into contact. 
A minute amount of Governmentium can cause a reaction that would normally take less than a second to take from four days to four years to complete. Governmentium has a normal half-life of 2-6 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. 

In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Governmentium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as critical morass. 

When catalyzed with money, Governmentium becomes Administratium, an element that radiates just as much energy as Governmentium since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.

Anyway, I thought that some of you might enjoy that if you keep up with politics or read your local news or just enjoy kind of weird stuff. Also, lets see if throwing in a random tag like greaser affects my hits on this post.

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